I Wish Philippines Is Just a Drive Away

Again another note found in my drafts. I must be very alone back then to wrote this. Oh well, sometimes life takes you to the place unknown, and you’ve got to find the medium to let it all go. So am I.

I hope Philippines is just a drive away. So whenever I need to feel secured I could just go to mom and cry to her. I wish Philippines is not so far from here so I could go to my friends when I feel like leaving this place. There’s nothing wrong in here, you know. But sometimes people around don’t really understand me. I want to be home! I want to feel I belong. I don’t want to keep on pushing myself to the point I am no longer myself. I am complicated. So are you. I am stubborn. So are you. But I am also good. I know for sure I am not the worst you’ll ever meet. Its a never ending story about my attitude. Never ending story about why I am like this. Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t change myself further anymore! I am sick of always changing myself just so I could fit to the person you want me to be. I am dead sick of always controlling myself just to please you, just so we don’t fight.

I want to go back to the world where I know I am welcomed with arms wide open. I want to go back to the place where all the people respect and understand why I am this way. I want to go back to the feeling where I am loved – in spite of my flaws and imperfections. I wish I could be home now.

In fact, you are right. I am bossy, I am maarte, I am not professional. And I am not the person you wish I am. But I love the way I am. I embraced the person I become.

Why I Finally Don’t Take Garbage From Other People?

So, I was scanning my drafts and found this note. It was last edited on October 2015.

Life is actually simple. It becomes complicated when you allow the people around you make it so.

Why I Finally Don’t Take Garbage From Other People?

I finally learned not to take garbage from other people because its already destroying the person in me. I have high respect with people who above all their achievements, keeps their foot on the ground. And I have high respect with those who knows how to respect others. Keeping himself humble above everything. But it’s a sad reality though when those people you expect to get such respect, are actually the ones destroying it.

I guess these people would never be aware of their wrong doings and how it impacts others, especially “self-proclaimed leaders”. Its quite unusual that you have to be the one to understand them when they have more to give than you are. Anyhow, you can only change yourself, focus on not letting their garbages get into you. If one has to moan at you, step on you, throw all the shitty things at you, let it be. Why? Because for once, they’ve proved not to yourself who they are. Instead they proved it to themselves the real color of their heart.

I learned this in the hard way, I used to constantly accept garbage from people who mistreated me, disrespected me, abused me, and it wasn’t healthy.

Finally, I have awaken.

You Don’t Want It, But You Need It

How in just a year a lot can happen. Yesterday I got my glasses and use it right away as I feel so dizzy looking at far distance. It was just last year around September, I got I believe these signs that I needed to wear glasses already. I remembered it one afternoon I had to go outside office to do some stuffs. What a coincidence that I left my sunglasses at home so I had to bear the very sunny weather outside. After some time I felt dizzy and it was a different kind of dizziness, like I felt I’m squinting and the muscles from my eyes are so tight, I didn’t like it. I thought it was because the sun was too bright and the air was too humid plus it was sunny and all so I shook it off, then just made a promise to myself to never go out without sunglasses.

And it happened again, and again, and I even had to go to the doctor to have myself check as it was different. I knew it was a problem from my eyes but I was like mind over matter because the thought of having problem with my eyes, ugh I hate it. I was advised not to be stressed etc., given an oral rehydration because I was very low blood too. I was very careful since then yet, it happened again and that convinced me to go see an optometrist. I worked before in an Ophthalmology clinic so I just went there. I got my prescription though after my visit but I still didn’t have it made, instead I opted for contact lenses. That works for me, I mean some people prefer to wear glasses but I like the latter more as it is less hassle.

Anna wearing glasses

Doesn’t fit me well I really think so. 😛

Going back, there are really some things you can’t avoid. Although I am trying to be as healthy as I can and to be as caring to myself, some things are unavoidable. I don’t like to wear glasses for real, for fashion maybe yes but not like this. Anyhow, here’s another pic of me. I look like a teacher 😛

Anna with glasses

Going home from watching the play ‘Mama Mia’

I got my monthlies contact lens yesterday too. So today, I came to office with glasses first and in a few minutes put on the contacts.

When There Is Pen and Paper, I just write.

When you feel like writing, there will be no exception! Stairs, empty corner, park, coffee shop, bathroom, fire exit, work place, pantry, anywhere you can think of, when the thoughts came in and you want to write, you will just do it. I was browsing through my ‘work-notebook’ yes, I’m keeping a notebook in the office to write my to do list for the day, reminder notes and etc., it makes me not forget something and/or which in the list I need to focus first on, which is more important than the other, which do I need to do first and etc., It basically makes my life easier. Sometimes, when I’m faced with troubles at home or I have problems, this notebook becomes my outlet too. I found these notes from quite a few notes I wrote in this meant to be ‘work-notebook’.

I thought again, like I am still not convinced 🙂 that writing is really my outlet.

Basically, what was written was random stuffs I was facing at that time. It was a little tough, it felt like every thing conspired to keep me low. Thankfully, I’d overcome it and since yesterday I was feeling very light I told myself many times “I will choose to be happy.”

4 Days To Go And It’s Payday

4 working days to go and all my hardwork for this month will be paid off. 4 days to go, I will be the very motivated girl again. 4 days to go, you’ll be seeing me in the mall, shops, restaurants, salon, etc., just 4 days!!

Weirdo! I am just the happiest! I guess it was already obvious since the beginning of this post =). Who agree with me that there is a force in every end of the month that gives everybody a motivation to come early and work harder. Ahhaha~ now, everybody can relate.

So, what do I do every end of the month?! To be honest, I don’t get to hold my money for until middle of the following month. I send remittance to my family back home, pay bills such house rent, transportation, phone bill and loans. Yes, it is quite a lot but luckily, I am still able to save regardless on how many things my budget has to deal with.

As usual although 4 days is just 4 days, it is still 4 days! got it? haha.. One thing I notice and I think the wrong with me is that I already plan where my money would go even before I actually hold it. So what always happen was, I get to hold my precious hardworked salary for only the first 2 weeks of the month.

I am literally the girl in this picture below. Hahaha!

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Anyhow, it motivates me whenever I’m thinking that it is only going to be 4 days and I’ll be rich again. Hahaha! As usual, I’m posting irrelevant stuffs in here again. But, yeah.. that’s all, I just want to share what I’m feeling right now. 🙂

Btw, can I share with you guys this song “Enough” by BarlowGirl. It just played in the radio, I think it’s a good song. Listen to it. It’s nice!

Just My Love.

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Hey, I am back here sitting outside office while having my smoked turkey & cheese sandwich with lipton peach iced tea.

His name is Cristopher Cañete. My boyfriend.

I have spoken about him here before but that was just a very quick post about him. He was just a friend then.

Kris and I have known each other since mid year 2010, and became good friends. Whenever I have a problem here or at work and he’s online I could really rely on him. He was always there to listen to me. Although he was from the beginning very vocal about his feelings towards me, that he likes me. At that time I don’t find any romantic feelings for him. I still find him just  a good friend nothing else then.Until Feb 18th, 2013 I got this voice inside me telling me to say I love you to him, I don’t know I was not even thinking about him at all, it’s just suddenly that I felt that I needed and wanted to tell him I love him. It was actually Feb 16th, 2013 that I sent him a message through Facebook, “I love you”. It took him 2 days before he was able to read it,  now that’s the 18th. He must be really shocked, asked me if I could call him to make sure he understood it the way I meant it. I was kind of skeptical at that time too when he asked me that I don’t why because I felt it was right. But then it might be something him and I was shocked of the same time. Because everything was sudden. Anyhow, I called him and said I love you, and the rest follows.

What about him? He loves to travel, a laid back person who live life like a kid, loves photography, not a typical sweet person but he has his own way of showing his love and care. Some are not very typical to a guy, so it kind of shocks me. A very real person and down to earth, loves his friends (I mean ALL his friends) like a brother  and sister.

What I appreciate about him is first and foremost his ability to talk to other people, and not just talk-talk but mingling with them. In him I learn the real meaning of being a person who enjoys life without stepping onto other people’s feelings. What I mean is, you don’t hold anything from other people, be it something not good about them, or their flaws and etc., instead accept who they are, treat them as they deserve and be real. I know I am good, yet I have this attitude that sometimes is intimidating. Or I kind of really intend to make other people feel intimated by me, I guess my way of reaching the message of “I am not just somebody, so do not try to mess with me”. I think we all have that defense mechanism. But he showed me the real meaning of “love you neighbour” as how God wants us to do.

 Moreover, Kris might be the person I prayed to God for so long. I am 24 years old now, and Kris is my first boyfriend. I was really afraid of commitment, a romantic commitment. I knew in myself that if I would go in a relationship I would give my all and I was so not ready 23 years back although I have been praying about it. Everything is so perfect timing.

But he’s changed.

From my own perspective he’s changed, he was not the very sweet person in his words but now he is, I mean what makes him the person I so love now is because of the effort that he is giving. He certainly changed and it’s a good thing of change.

Right now, we are physically separated, I had to go back here in Dubai for work and he is in the Philippines, but he would also leave soon for work on end of May.

So yeah, I think that’s all for now. Bye~!

A Laptop. A Diet Pepsi. And A Free Wifi.

I am having my lunch now at 1:28pm Dubai time. I got my laptop connected to a free wifi, diet pepsi and a good mood.- basically all I need.

I usually take my lunch at about this time because I couldn’t go for lunch as early as 12nn according to my new boss. So, I just figured this free wifi outside our office yesterday – outside our building actually. Most of the time when I finished my lunch and I still have a remaining time I go sit here outside the building and just look around, looking at the trees, enjoying the fresh air, imagining my future with my boyfriend Kris – just freeing my mind from work. Okay, how do I start this, day before yesterday I came to know that my colleague who is our Sales Person has a blog, so, I checked his blog yesterday and I am quite amazed at how a guy like him (somewhat masculine), I mean could have a blog that is very personal. To make the story short I got inspired by him. I thought about mine, how many stories I owe my blog already.

Let me start sharing the things I can remember to you guys. So for your information I went for a vacation last year Dec 2013 – early January 2014 and to share how that vacation went I probably would just make another post for that. I came back here in Dubai on January 10, 2014 and for others who do not know I finished my contract with my company. So from then on until Feb 16 I did a huge job hunting, I’ve went door-to-door to pass my cv’s and applied on each post on the internet, put my name on ads – basically I did everything just to make sure I could find a new job. Luckily, I got into this IT company.

I am a Marketing Executive cum office manager in this company and I could say that I’ve done a pretty good decision about joining here. Another thing that makes me really really thankful to God aside from all that he had blessed me. To be honest it is a dream come true let me tell you how. Here in Dubai they make their city like a cluster, they have Knowledge Village, Media City, Internet City, International City, Dubai Investment City., etc – they basically cluster everything they can. When I first arrived here and I got to know about these, my dream was to be working in Internet City where all IT’s are working. And look now even I, can’t imagine that simple dream would really come true. Catch as well is I am being paid way higher compared to my previous company, I am working as an IT and I am in Dubai Internet City, how cool was that?!

I have only been here for less than 2 months but you bet I learned a lot already, I finished a website, I did 3 email campaigns, first one was sent to 10,000 email addresses and one is still to be send and I got a bonus! Again, how cool was that?! I am really thankful for just everything right now. I have a good love, family and work life, it’s just coming all together great.

We are currently working in a new project, a new phone application. The application works as a points storage, we haven’t really discussed about it but my role for that project would be marketing obviously, I would be busy designing the website and email campaigns again. I was told that I would also be involved a little bit in Sales and in demos, so yeah. At first I was a little afraid when the boss said I’ll be involve in Sales because it is not my thing I guess. But I like the idea of it too, it would be a great opportunity for me as well.

I think that’s all for now, I have to rush back to the office and continue setting up email campaigns and cleaning our lists – this takes a lot time, cleaning email addresses and having it validated.

Catch ya soon guys!

*this post was meant to be published yesterday. I didn’t notice that I only did save draft instead of publish. 🙂