Reevaluating My S.E.L.F

Its 12mn of a very fine Monday! I woke up feeling great this morning! Can’t thank God enough for all the blessings and answered prayers He’s always granting to me.

Yesterday though I was contemplating on the things that I recently did.

if-you-dont-like-my-attitude-quit-talking-to-me-quote-1

1. I talked to my mom as if I am very sure of what I was telling her. The scenario was, I told mom that my nephew is very sick that I would bring a medicine to him. After she heard me, she went on rage with the mother of my nephew saying all the stuffs she could think of, whether why they are waiting for her to do some actions about my nephew.. and stuffs like where they are taking their money and all.

First of all, I am sick of all the bad things that she would most of the time accuse the mother of my nephews, in fact.. I am not sure if I am on my mom’s side or on theirs. I can’t blame my mom that she have this anger that I feel will never fade because she doesn’t want to let go of it or until the other party will do something to keep her from doing so. My mom is indeed a very helpful person, she is the type that says something but then do different thing as well, I guess she only wanted to help by saying what they could’ve done with their life.

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You’ve been driving yourself too hard lately.

Today we believe God wants us to know that you’ve been driving yourself too hard lately.

Sure, there is time to invest yourself fully into work, but there is equally important time for joyful resting. And for you, this time is now. What is the absolutely most wonderful little treat you can give yourself? Do it today.

My daily God wants you to know message. Its so timing because I have been trying these past few days to get a job, like very seriously. I haven’t mentioned it here though that I got hired on May in one of the largest BPO company here in the Philippines, but I left because of a reason. I just couldn’t balance studies and full time work, that’s why I decided to quit and opt for online job. That way it’ll be less of load, since my travel time from work to school was 3hrs coming and going back. Now, when I got this message I immediately thought if I’m really pushing my self too hard that God or whoever is behind the app could sense it. I stopped for a while though, thinking maybe.. and thought I need to stop even for a while, and just enjoy the moment.  I honestly felt quite bad, I mean I asked myself ‘did it already feel too tired because of what I am doing to it recently?

Then I set my mind, I said that nobody is pressuring me though so why do it to my self? So instead of being too hard on myself, enjoy the moment. Enjoy that I have the time to write more since I was crying to write about whatever for my blog. Also, to enjoy life itself since I went through tough times, forget about the past, as in truly forget about it but keep the lesson I learned from it. And ultimately, appreciate every single day that I’m at home, with my mom. Glad that I have these signs and messages that somehow kept my thinking a bit organized when I’m lost in the moment.

FRIDAY CURRENTLY | 01

So, this is my first time to do “Friday currently”, its actually my version of others “Sunday Currently”. I just thought that its the perfect time to do it because I was listening to something worth to share, and also, doing stuff quite interesting to share as well.

CURRENTLY

Reading

Nothin. 😦

Writing

Nothing, but I have been wanting to write about something, something that I still do not know. Like, I know I wanna write but about what? I couldn’t actually think of interesting topic to write something about. I even googled for topics so I can get an idea, but naa.. nothing catches my attention.

Listening 

To Ignition by R. Kelly – brings back good old mem’ries

Thinking

If I pass the interview earlier to be an English tutor.

Smelling

Lavender soap that our kasambahay just use

Wishing

To get that English Tutor post.

Hoping

To get a part time job, home based because I need an extra income.

Wearing 

Lavender- pink ish.. polo top and black short.

Loving 

Myself currently, since I just finished my exam in the morning which I am quite happy about because I reviewed.

Wanting

Wanting to start with my online business already! But I am stuck with getting a good name for it.

Needing

Needing to get a job badly!

Feeling

Hopeful that I pass my interview earlier. That’s it.

there you go. Gotta bounce now and hit the sack. I just wanna tell myself that today was a long day and I have accomplished good couple of stuffs. Tomorrow will be wonderful! Thank God for this day!

xoxo :

Birthday Gift From My Special Someone

Happy Me! Thank you my love for the gift.

Yey! I got a belated happy birthday gift from my love, kris. This is just a random post, and because I am happy, I am sharing this with you all.

unboxing the new laptop

My birthday was about 2 months ago, yet, my boyfriend Kris didn’t forget to get me something for my  birthday. He knew I’ve been wanting to have a new laptop and look what he got for me!

say cheese..

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Again, thank you to my love for this gift. Btw, it’s a Macbook Pro with retina display. =)

I Wish Philippines Is Just a Drive Away

Again another note found in my drafts. I must be very alone back then to wrote this. Oh well, sometimes life takes you to the place unknown, and you’ve got to find the medium to let it all go. So am I.

I hope Philippines is just a drive away. So whenever I need to feel secured I could just go to mom and cry to her. I wish Philippines is not so far from here so I could go to my friends when I feel like leaving this place. There’s nothing wrong in here, you know. But sometimes people around don’t really understand me. I want to be home! I want to feel I belong. I don’t want to keep on pushing myself to the point I am no longer myself. I am complicated. So are you. I am stubborn. So are you. But I am also good. I know for sure I am not the worst you’ll ever meet. Its a never ending story about my attitude. Never ending story about why I am like this. Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t change myself further anymore! I am sick of always changing myself just so I could fit to the person you want me to be. I am dead sick of always controlling myself just to please you, just so we don’t fight.

I want to go back to the world where I know I am welcomed with arms wide open. I want to go back to the place where all the people respect and understand why I am this way. I want to go back to the feeling where I am loved – in spite of my flaws and imperfections. I wish I could be home now.

In fact, you are right. I am bossy, I am maarte, I am not professional. And I am not the person you wish I am. But I love the way I am. I embraced the person I become.

Why I Finally Don’t Take Garbage From Other People?

So, I was scanning my drafts and found this note. It was last edited on October 2015.

Life is actually simple. It becomes complicated when you allow the people around you make it so.

Why I Finally Don’t Take Garbage From Other People?

I finally learned not to take garbage from other people because its already destroying the person in me. I have high respect with people who above all their achievements, keeps their foot on the ground. And I have high respect with those who knows how to respect others. Keeping himself humble above everything. But it’s a sad reality though when those people you expect to get such respect, are actually the ones destroying it.

I guess these people would never be aware of their wrong doings and how it impacts others, especially “self-proclaimed leaders”. Its quite unusual that you have to be the one to understand them when they have more to give than you are. Anyhow, you can only change yourself, focus on not letting their garbages get into you. If one has to moan at you, step on you, throw all the shitty things at you, let it be. Why? Because for once, they’ve proved not to yourself who they are. Instead they proved it to themselves the real color of their heart.

I learned this in the hard way, I used to constantly accept garbage from people who mistreated me, disrespected me, abused me, and it wasn’t healthy.

Finally, I have awaken.

Productive Yet Tiring Week

It’s exactly 3:13pm in the afternoon of Dubai and I am sitting in front of the laptop as I spend my day after a productive yet tiring week of the last month.

The past couple of weeks had been exhausting and my brain haven’t felt rested for once. It was a good couple of weeks though. I am trying to get back in good terms with my self, my blog, and with almost every aspect of my life. I felt at some point I was lost. So, its going to take a good effort to put everything back, but it will be worth it I know. Its just that sometimes its really exhausting to try to squeeze everything in so little time. I am still to finish my Time management plan though. I am trying to align all the things I was putting myself into in its proper places.

I’d so love to get myself back to do those stuffs I used to do (which I loved in the first place) like playing guitar, editing videos, learning new language, reading novels, etc.