Birthday Gift From My Special Someone

Happy Me! Thank you my love for the gift.

Yey! I got a belated happy birthday gift from my love, kris. This is just a random post, and because I am happy, I am sharing this with you all.

unboxing the new laptop

My birthday was about 2 months ago, yet, my boyfriend Kris didn’t forget to get me something for my  birthday. He knew I’ve been wanting to have a new laptop and look what he got for me!

say cheese..

DSC_4680

Again, thank you to my love for this gift. Btw, it’s a Macbook Pro with retina display. =)

I Wish Philippines Is Just a Drive Away

Again another note found in my drafts. I must be very alone back then to wrote this. Oh well, sometimes life takes you to the place unknown, and you’ve got to find the medium to let it all go. So am I.

I hope Philippines is just a drive away. So whenever I need to feel secured I could just go to mom and cry to her. I wish Philippines is not so far from here so I could go to my friends when I feel like leaving this place. There’s nothing wrong in here, you know. But sometimes people around don’t really understand me. I want to be home! I want to feel I belong. I don’t want to keep on pushing myself to the point I am no longer myself. I am complicated. So are you. I am stubborn. So are you. But I am also good. I know for sure I am not the worst you’ll ever meet. Its a never ending story about my attitude. Never ending story about why I am like this. Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t change myself further anymore! I am sick of always changing myself just so I could fit to the person you want me to be. I am dead sick of always controlling myself just to please you, just so we don’t fight.

I want to go back to the world where I know I am welcomed with arms wide open. I want to go back to the place where all the people respect and understand why I am this way. I want to go back to the feeling where I am loved – in spite of my flaws and imperfections. I wish I could be home now.

In fact, you are right. I am bossy, I am maarte, I am not professional. And I am not the person you wish I am. But I love the way I am. I embraced the person I become.

Why I Finally Don’t Take Garbage From Other People?

So, I was scanning my drafts and found this note. It was last edited on October 2015.

Life is actually simple. It becomes complicated when you allow the people around you make it so.

Why I Finally Don’t Take Garbage From Other People?

I finally learned not to take garbage from other people because its already destroying the person in me. I have high respect with people who above all their achievements, keeps their foot on the ground. And I have high respect with those who knows how to respect others. Keeping himself humble above everything. But it’s a sad reality though when those people you expect to get such respect, are actually the ones destroying it.

I guess these people would never be aware of their wrong doings and how it impacts others, especially “self-proclaimed leaders”. Its quite unusual that you have to be the one to understand them when they have more to give than you are. Anyhow, you can only change yourself, focus on not letting their garbages get into you. If one has to moan at you, step on you, throw all the shitty things at you, let it be. Why? Because for once, they’ve proved not to yourself who they are. Instead they proved it to themselves the real color of their heart.

I learned this in the hard way, I used to constantly accept garbage from people who mistreated me, disrespected me, abused me, and it wasn’t healthy.

Finally, I have awaken.

Productive Yet Tiring Week

It’s exactly 3:13pm in the afternoon of Dubai and I am sitting in front of the laptop as I spend my day after a productive yet tiring week of the last month.

The past couple of weeks had been exhausting and my brain haven’t felt rested for once. It was a good couple of weeks though. I am trying to get back in good terms with my self, my blog, and with almost every aspect of my life. I felt at some point I was lost. So, its going to take a good effort to put everything back, but it will be worth it I know. Its just that sometimes its really exhausting to try to squeeze everything in so little time. I am still to finish my Time management plan though. I am trying to align all the things I was putting myself into in its proper places.

I’d so love to get myself back to do those stuffs I used to do (which I loved in the first place) like playing guitar, editing videos, learning new language, reading novels, etc. 

Goodbye Dearest Nanay.

image

Dearest Nanay,

Firstly, I would like to thank the lord for your life and opportunity to be part of it. You played the biggest role in my life Nanay you know that, and I owe every single of me to you. You have molded me to become what I am now. You have taught me lessons that nobody will ever learn from school, thank you so much for  the unconditional love you never fail to give and show me every single day of your life. I know everyone in the family sort of envy how much you cared and showed love to me, and so I am to you Nanay. No one can estimate the greater love and pain I had to bear knowing that I will no longer see you next time I visit Philippines. It is so heartbreaking that I wasn’t there when you took your last breath, when the moment I was brought into this world you were the first one in there. I’d always love you Nanay and I will forever keep you very close to my heart Nanay. I will always remember all that you said to me, and live with it. I miss you so much Nanay! I so miss you! 😦 I am only thinking that you are now in a way better place, and you’re together with Kuya already in heaven. You have fulfilled your purpose in life here on earth and soon we’ll meet there. Please wait for me and pick me up there when I get there too.

What more can I say Nanay, you are my everything. You are my life, now with all that you have taught me I will live with it on my own. I will take care of mama like what you always told me, or maybe no, so that you can visit me. I love you forever Nanay! Forever! You are the greatest love I ever had. Thank you for all the love and care and for raising me the person I am today. I’m sorry that you had left before I have my mansion that I always tell you, but I have a house now, and it’s because of you Nanay, you let me live with big dreams and hopes, along with actions to reach it. I love you so so much Nanay! I will always be your favorite apo and I will never change. I will keep on chasing my dreams and take care of the people around me especially mama.I love you so much!

Love,

Your Apo.

Written on July 11, 2014.

Finally! US Residence. Such Joy!

Nope! It wasn’t I who got the US residence released, but it was my friend Shen. I thought of writing about it, I mean not about how the approval went, but, what a joy I felt when she told me about it.

And I intend to make this post about her and our friendship.

Yesterday, I got a private message from her that she finally got her US residence already approved. Why this brings so much joy to me? Well, because of this.

US Residence Approved

Yes, we’ve been friends since Highschool days. But many can relate that after highschool or university, when we are already in the real world, facing real challenges, we lose some of those we call friends. Either others build their own family, or move abroad.

And I am so blessed to realise that those I thought of as my real friends, are still there. That they kept me even more closer to their hearts. Like this lady, Shen and I, on my perspective – we don’t posses that usual type of friendship who speak all the time with each other, go out always and etc.,

Well, we can’t really do that because we are both in different worlds. She’s living in US, and I’m staying in Dubai. But it always amazes me that although almost 5 years we don’t see each other. If you noticed, our last conversation was also last year August 2014, yet there is a confident feeling inside me that I have her back no matter what, and she has mine too all the time.

Going back, I was in full smile for her achievement. It was joy that I felt. I immediately thought about places we can go visit when she visits me here, and the restaurants we can eat from, the activities we’ll do, and a whole lot more. Shen is a reflection of myself, truthfully I see myself on her – well maybe she’s even better than I am, she’s a positive person, Shen has a heart of a kid, it feels like her passion is to be happy and radiate that happiness to the people around her.

I realize how I only have few friends, even more lucky that they are the truest and great friends I ever met. I’d be taking this opportunity to thank you, Shen, for being your truest self, I really miss those days that our stories don’t ends. From the simplest thing that happened to us in that day to the extremes of our days. Thank you for those good times and I am hoping to have another one like that soon. Especially that you got your US residence, come and visit me here!

Lastly, thank you God, for planning all of these. The people you are bringing to my life are all amazing people! Shen is one of those, her simplicity and trueness makes me feel nothing less but joy, I admire her being the responsible eldest to her siblings, a good daughter, friend, and kindhearted person.

A message that no matter how other part of my life feels exhausting, on the many more part it is all but good.

True Friend wont grow apart

P.R.E.S.S.U.R.E.D @_@

P-R-E-S-S-U-R-E-D.

That is what I am now.

Lately, I’m getting this feeling again of pressure. I can not think properly and I feel at my lowest. I do not even know how to handle stress and pressure anymore. I feel like just giving up. I’m out of control and out of myself these days. There’s just so much stuffs going on in my head and I do not know what to attend first.

I hate to be told what to do and how I should manage my life in a way that its nagging.

I used to overcome stress and pressure when I was younger, but today, its as if I wasn’t who I was. Everything’s changed. I can’t handle stress anymore. I can’t do that anymore! T_T. I seriously feel helpless when I can’t even speak my mind because I just can’t/I’m not allowed. I do not know how to balance things anymore.

I need to get back to my old self. I needed it so badly right now.