I Wish Philippines Is Just a Drive Away

Again another note found in my drafts. I must be very alone back then to wrote this. Oh well, sometimes life takes you to the place unknown, and you’ve got to find the medium to let it all go. So am I.

I hope Philippines is just a drive away. So whenever I need to feel secured I could just go to mom and cry to her. I wish Philippines is not so far from here so I could go to my friends when I feel like leaving this place. There’s nothing wrong in here, you know. But sometimes people around don’t really understand me. I want to be home! I want to feel I belong. I don’t want to keep on pushing myself to the point I am no longer myself. I am complicated. So are you. I am stubborn. So are you. But I am also good. I know for sure I am not the worst you’ll ever meet. Its a never ending story about my attitude. Never ending story about why I am like this. Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t change myself further anymore! I am sick of always changing myself just so I could fit to the person you want me to be. I am dead sick of always controlling myself just to please you, just so we don’t fight.

I want to go back to the world where I know I am welcomed with arms wide open. I want to go back to the place where all the people respect and understand why I am this way. I want to go back to the feeling where I am loved – in spite of my flaws and imperfections. I wish I could be home now.

In fact, you are right. I am bossy, I am maarte, I am not professional. And I am not the person you wish I am. But I love the way I am. I embraced the person I become.

Productive Yet Tiring Week

It’s exactly 3:13pm in the afternoon of Dubai and I am sitting in front of the laptop as I spend my day after a productive yet tiring week of the last month.

The past couple of weeks had been exhausting and my brain haven’t felt rested for once. It was a good couple of weeks though. I am trying to get back in good terms with my self, my blog, and with almost every aspect of my life. I felt at some point I was lost. So, its going to take a good effort to put everything back, but it will be worth it I know. Its just that sometimes its really exhausting to try to squeeze everything in so little time. I am still to finish my Time management plan though. I am trying to align all the things I was putting myself into in its proper places.

I’d so love to get myself back to do those stuffs I used to do (which I loved in the first place) like playing guitar, editing videos, learning new language, reading novels, etc. 

P.R.E.S.S.U.R.E.D @_@

P-R-E-S-S-U-R-E-D.

That is what I am now.

Lately, I’m getting this feeling again of pressure. I can not think properly and I feel at my lowest. I do not even know how to handle stress and pressure anymore. I feel like just giving up. I’m out of control and out of myself these days. There’s just so much stuffs going on in my head and I do not know what to attend first.

I hate to be told what to do and how I should manage my life in a way that its nagging.

I used to overcome stress and pressure when I was younger, but today, its as if I wasn’t who I was. Everything’s changed. I can’t handle stress anymore. I can’t do that anymore! T_T. I seriously feel helpless when I can’t even speak my mind because I just can’t/I’m not allowed. I do not know how to balance things anymore.

I need to get back to my old self. I needed it so badly right now.

You Don’t Want It, But You Need It

How in just a year a lot can happen. Yesterday I got my glasses and use it right away as I feel so dizzy looking at far distance. It was just last year around September, I got I believe these signs that I needed to wear glasses already. I remembered it one afternoon I had to go outside office to do some stuffs. What a coincidence that I left my sunglasses at home so I had to bear the very sunny weather outside. After some time I felt dizzy and it was a different kind of dizziness, like I felt I’m squinting and the muscles from my eyes are so tight, I didn’t like it. I thought it was because the sun was too bright and the air was too humid plus it was sunny and all so I shook it off, then just made a promise to myself to never go out without sunglasses.

And it happened again, and again, and I even had to go to the doctor to have myself check as it was different. I knew it was a problem from my eyes but I was like mind over matter because the thought of having problem with my eyes, ugh I hate it. I was advised not to be stressed etc., given an oral rehydration because I was very low blood too. I was very careful since then yet, it happened again and that convinced me to go see an optometrist. I worked before in an Ophthalmology clinic so I just went there. I got my prescription though after my visit but I still didn’t have it made, instead I opted for contact lenses. That works for me, I mean some people prefer to wear glasses but I like the latter more as it is less hassle.

Doesn’t fit me well I really think so. 😛

Going back, there are really some things you can’t avoid. Although I am trying to be as healthy as I can and to be as caring to myself, some things are unavoidable. I don’t like to wear glasses for real, for fashion maybe yes but not like this. Anyhow, here’s another pic of me. I look like a teacher 😛

Going home from watching the play ‘Mama Mia’

I got my monthlies contact lens yesterday too. So today, I came to office with glasses first and in a few minutes put on the contacts.

Hashtag #firstpost for 2015

Welcome to 2015. It is so famous in Facebook the hashtag #firstselfie for the year 2015. To me it’s hashtag #firstpost, yes!! Here we are in 2015. This morning it just sink in to my mind that I’ve been here in Dubai for already 4 years, it was as if just recently I was asked what would my goal be for the next 5 years. 4 years down and only a year to be able to finish what I committed myself 4years ago. I regret not putting in words or in paper my goal 4 years back, I could’ve measure it. I could’ve seen if I was doing good or if I was on track for the last 4 years. I realized how time literally flies. There are so many things that changed and there are so many lessons I’ve learned that helped me become the better person I am now. Next time, I would be sharing those to you if I find time, actually I would make time for it.

Lovely Saturday.

Taken on Saturday 12th April in Pull & Bear store with my good friend/flatmate ate girlie.

I only tried on the hat but I didn’t buy it. It’s pretty cool isn’t it?

Anyway, I bought a pair of sandals at Pull & Bear for less than 200 bucks. Oh yeah, it is quite expensive. But it’s okay I don’t always buy sandals anyway.

So, yeah I’d like to just share this picture with you guys.  I know a lot has changed with me. I gained weight (which is obvious) and taste for stuffs changed too. I am not an impulsive buyer anymore too. I think twice or most often many times before purchasing a product. I would identify it first if it is a need or a want before making a decision. 🙂

I think I am very kuripot already.

By the way, I enjoyed this day! Oh, first I went for work for 5hours, then ate girlie and I met at 5pm. We went straight ahead to the salon where she will have her hair colour done and I did hairspa as well. Then, we went to the restaurant chain beside it, they’re offering dinner buffet. So, we had buffet and guys, we were so full!

After having a huge meal, because I really wanted to go to Deira City Center mall, I convince her to join me although it was 8pm already when we left the restaurant. Went to each store we both like. Put on these and that, and all. I liked a couple of things but because I told you I am a wise buyer now, I only bought sandals. That’s all.

I suddenly realized the more I have income the more kuripot I become. I remember when I got my first compensation from my first ever job. I would spend atleast 500bucks for my stuffs tops, makeups, dresses and etc., and now the least I want to spend is less than 200bucks. 🙂 Anyhow, I’m benefiting with it. Now, I could say I am more mature than I was.

We were able to go home by 11pm, the train was still open because it’s weekend so, lucky us as well. Now, since it was late that we reached home. We both woke up late and came to the office LATE haha! Lesson there would be, don’t shop until midnight especially when you have work tomorrow. 🙂

But it was a very good day! Such fun gala with her! 🙂

Thank You Year 2012 & Welcome Year 2013 with <3 love!

Happy New Year everyone!

Isn’t it nice to blog on New Year’s day, oh definitely! What a good year
2012!

2012:Ang saya lang. I see how my life changes for the better and how much
growth I have achieved in this year. Life in 2012 wasn’t easy but with the
Lord’s guidance and provision, each moment become precious. I really want
to thank God, thank you so much God with everything that the past year
made.

I was so bless and I can’t help it God is just the BEST!

Hoping as well that, it will be the start again of my blogging! I missed this!

I wish everybody contentment, peace and love from this year onwards!

Happy New Year!

Monday group visited Shimeon!

I thought I made a wrong decision in coming with my group to visit one of our church mate who just survived leukemia, they’re living in Al Nahda, Sharjah quite a miles from Dubai like an hour ride.

Alright, our bible study group meets every Monday at 8pm – after work until whatever, sometimes before 12mn. Do not ask why, we don’t even know why ourselves – we were just enjoying God’s presence.

So there, I was actually kinda hesitant to come because I was concern about what time we’ll finish and since I know the evil is again battling really hard with me, I just trusted that small voice whispering I should go, chose to do what seems to be right. Come along with them and visit Shimeon.

Few minutes before, we were caught in the traffic, and I was so tired from work, I couldn’t help myself  and took a nap, also so that I won’t notice my stomach and my head spinning.

Finally we reached the place. It’s the first time for me to meet the whole family, I know Mr. Sandeep but not that very well. So this opportunity really is a good one.

Everybody’s there already, then i meet Shimeon, 14, Indian, a leukemia survivor. Every Friday meeting we get to pray for him, for his fast recovery, I meant we are always reminded by a small presentation of his picture saying what his status is like now, and we will all asked to spend time praying for him. He has a wonderful family. A boy who has a beautiful and captivating smile.

We started with the food – which is a good thing since we are all hungry. Others came straight from work, and they may not say they want to start the food, but you know they want to get it done in the first place. Then after that we did a little game called pictionary, am i telling it right? right. pictionary!

We were group into two, both teams will have a representative each round and that person will be given a certain category or thing that he/she can draw about so to be figured out my other team members.

It was very fine I’ve forgotten about how uncomfortable it was in the car earlier. It’s a 13-9 score, we’re 9, yes unfortunately we didn’t win the game, but we all won an experience. I must say it is so far one of the most memorable bonding I have with my church mates and I never knew it will went that way, it was way too fun than just typing in here those words.

mmm.. i didn’t get to take pictures of us because we were just busy playing. btw, we got our first score when the other team is already 4points?! I think it was me who got that first score. It was so funny each round we will compare each other’s paper finding out who drew not the nicest but the wisest and we would all end up laughing..

There’s this ‘line of box with a smoke on top, we thought it was a cigarette or brick or crossing, only to find out it was a train with a ghost. hahahaha!

A drawing of a girl that looks like a man- which is a belly dancer, good thing Shimeon didn’t forget the belly otherwise we would think of it as a wrestler 😀

It was all just fun, we’re thinking of coming back there not only to play with them but to visit and worship as well and I’m looking forward to it already.

I’ll grab a pic and post it if i get a chance once they upload it. I’d like to say more but words are running out of my mind, just wanted to smile and remember all those smiley faces and laughs.

ahh.. it’s a decision very well made then for me. I was right to hear that small voice and follow it.

oh~ we get to hear Shimeon playing drums (electric drums). It’s so cool! They also have keyboard and guitar. ooh I  like to get myself one of that electric drums too, very portable.

So there you go, one unforgettable experience. 😀

I reached home past 11pm – good thing my work tomorrow is a bit late. Just that I wasn’t able to practice my guitar but I get to blog something very relative for me.

Good night ya’ll. 12:29am

homesick.

homesickness.

it is a sickness that can’t be cure by any medicines, sickness whom us, away from our families wish not to encounter. but nobody could define how strong this sickness are, nobody can tell how someone suffering from this can overcome it, nobody could truly understand how someone is feeling having this sickness, it’s just that nobody can really explain it.

not even the president, nor the queen.

it’s not seasonal, perhaps neither occasional as even if our days went all fine or great, somehow when we’re alone and about to sleep that’s when it tends to attack. truly, it’s harder when you knew in yourself how you are just trying to hide those times you wish you were surrounded with all the people you love, people who would make you happy even without doing anything, etc.,then you realize you were just day dreaming because it can not happen now, neither sooner.

alright, from the beginning we knew how often we are going to encounter “homesick” and thought we’ve made convinced ourselves about it but then, it is something undefinable.see, how a once strong person can be the weakest person when faced with this, i know it’s a sad thing to know and to hear from someone who did experience it. well, i guess, it’s the return favor of the salaries we’re earning, salaries literally made by hardwork, that we would have to face such.

we can overcome it. just that how long can we able to do it?

alright, we are able to buy say whatever we wish to buy though, yet it’s not all about it. the excitement and happiness to have bought something you wished for or ever dreamed of before and homesick, are way too far from each other. i could be the happiest person for once, say piece of something i finally have/hoped for a long time, but then it would only be for awhile. honestly i also would feel homesick for a while, i wouldn’t always feel it, yes it’s true but then it stays inside, in the heart. so, what would you choose rather?

anyways, now, i really do feel pity for someone dearest to me as she is going through this notion at the moment. i know it won’t always last, yet i also know for sure that how even i go and do whatever that would make her smile and forget about it, it’s only for some time. she would always go to bed, alone and i’m not sure whether all i wished to do can really take that sickness away.

however, only her knows what she wants. i guess im just hoping her to cope up sooner. she’s not alone in here anyways.

to you: i hope you surpass this challenging moment of your life. you have a friend here. in me.

 

Proposal: For Our Fan Page

Consider yourself lucky for reading this post as I’ve attached <<<< my proposal picture to be use in our facebook account. Actually in my work today I am free to do whatever I want and even decide for the company just as long as it is for the better. It is fun to work with everyone in the office- we really are Family- I can proudly say that and I suppose that’s very important. You’ve got to have good people to work with before you can enjoy work itself.

So, just as I want to make it simple firstly because we are known here (more than quite), and we’re a private company we’re limited to a lot (I know facebook is free to whatever), my company is actually a medical provider so we want to keep the standard and pride present yet still recognizable and approachable. I haven’t let my boss look at this so, you guys are lucky because you get to see it first before the approval – though I knew it’s a yes already.

I made it simple as I’ve said, it is obvious I know – didn’t put extra ‘coz itself is already good, so just baffled about it’s simplicity, don’t want it to look like very newbie(beginner) yet it should attract too. And to help me, would love to hear from you guys whether it is worth a good thumbs up or not really -suggestions are welcome.

And likewise fyi, I only use gimp as I’ve already mentioned in my previous post that indeed I am a freshman to it, just my knowledge in Photoshop truly helps.

There is still another that I’m working with, don’t worry I’ll feature it here once it is done, it is actually a newsletter I wasn’t told to do it but I want to, aren’t they lucky to have such employee like me. lol. Anyhow, will make a general newsletter header and format that we could just edit every when we got new to offer with our clients, oh- I remember I still need to check out that email hosting I recently signed up, I haven’t get the hang of it, that’s where we’re gonna send our offers and whatsoever so that they (patients) don’t report us as spam- guess you know how important it is to not be labeled “spam”.

..and I’m lost hehe.. there.. make a format where we could just put in our promotion and etc., it has to be designed as well making it easy to recognize and ofcourse still friendly so that they would read it otherwise it will be useless. What else?  I believe that’s all as of the moment inserted smiley here =D (is it?)

Yup, there it go.

You see my life now, it is all about work.work.work. Anyways, we’re all are so just enjoy it and make certain to have fun.

*I’ll sure keep you posted if it’s a go or no.